What if God is a Dick?

I mean really, think about it. What if God is a complete asshole of a supreme being? How would you react?
Would you act differently? If so, what would that make you? How would it shape your perception of religion and life?
Sitting atop a pillow one day in the half lotus position, stoned as a hippie, I saw a floating image of the Mona Lisa. I saw Da Vinci and I saw the floating image of our pictured God. Oh, Mona and her smirk or smile. Is she man or woman? Oh, Da Vinci, how you teased us so! Or did he really? I read “the Da Vinci Code” a while back and found it completely fasciniating, all the secret societies and such. You know a conspiracy is exciting! I read more books after that about great artists and contemporaries of that day and noticed how they were oddly very religious and also very technical. Take Da Vinci for example and the Last Supper drawing. So much has been written and said about that famous piece. What was my take on it? And why am I mentioning this? More importantly, as the daughter of a southern preacher, why in God’s name was I even suggesting that God could even be a DICK or all things?
Please allow me to tell you. All of my tales begin and end with books, just so you know. I have a thing for knowledge and wisdom. At any rate, I developed a strong interest in religions outside of my own. I was tired of the same old church, the same old doctrine, and the same old God. God was some bearded old, wise looking white man. And Jesus was this strikingly, handsome Orlando Bloom-type, goodietwoshoes. And God, along with this young Orlando Bloom looking character were the perfect, docile, spiritual beings that were perfect and gave us salvation. They never experienced any wrong, never got mad, never had a drunk night or fight with the roommate over who left the open condom on the kitchen counter. Just two perfect, super nice dudes, who just give away stuff, and have all of these rules for salvation but didnt get mad if you broke them beacuse they are God, right?
I read more books from all religions that painted God as this completely super nice dude. I also read scripture after scripture about how we were created in his image. That struck a different cord in me. I was now so freaking confused. Wait, so we were created in God’s image to mirror and reflect him who is perfect? How could we? In the same sentence it also tells us how we were born into sin. Let’s not get too technical here for you bible scholars. So here I am in the midst of this kerfunkle, if you will. I keep repeating to myself, “we were made in the image of God. we are also sinners. We also reflect God.” If I hold a mirror to my face, will I not see my face? If I looked deeper, will  I not see both the good and the ugly in me? How can I not expect perfection if I was mirrored after an all-perfect Being. He even sent his Son here to show us that perfection was possible but we are not supposed to be perfect?
Sitting atop that pillow, frustrated as possible, staring at this image of the floating image in front of me, there can a clear question: “What if God is a complete dick?” I mean like a real asshole. You know the type– the type that has no filter and will call out whomever he pleases. The dick that so readily picks out the flaws in others will heralding himself to a higher standard of flawlessness. The dick that girls try to stay away from but cant because they are quite charasmatic and irresitable. The kind that we all love to hate. Yea, that kind of dick who gets away with the impossible and makes everything look easy. What if God’s a Dick? The more I thought about it, the more it became an actual possibility.  For instance, God seems to LOVE calling people out in church. Well, at least the church I grew up in. You could be sitting one minute listening and enjoying the sermon, the next minute God has led this minister to bring up your personal private business in the pulpit. This is called “stepping on toes” in church lingo. Dick move #1. #2 God will use a minister, another imperfect sinful being to preach to the rest of us from a sit of authority.
So what is with the floating Mona Lisa and Da Vinci? I think Da Vinci also questioned the duality of God. I think he thought God was everything and nothing, he was good and bad, pretty and ugly, the yin and the yang, the beginning and the end, He is all of it. Da Vinci best portrayed this via the Mona Lisa painting. There is so much duality in the Mona Lisa, so much room for perception and such. I think Da Vinci also must have wondered about the mirroring image of God and saw that just as there is duality in us, there must be duality in God. Everything begins and ends with God. The most important piece being that life in general is about perception. Is the Mona Lisa a smiling woman? Or a smirking man? Do you perceive God to be a dick or a perfect Saint? How does the different perceptions of God change how you approach life?
Well, we all know how people live if they perceive God to be a saint. Most people can either be frustrated and hate God because they can not relate to Him or they can try their best to emulate him and deal with the accompanying frustration of not being perfect. If you perceive that by some chance that God can also be a dick, I think I would live a bit differently. I would be less timid about life and would match God’s dickness one-for-one. Not saying that I would be a complete dick but I wouldn’t go around thinking that all of this is a rose when it isn’t. I would live more openly. I would live life in the shadows of reproach. I would worry less about losing and focus on winning. Because assuming that God could be a dick sometimes, would remind me that my mortal self, in all of my original sinness, will be okay. I will remind myself then that I am truly made in His image. And that is just fine with me.

4 thoughts on “What if God is a Dick?

  1. Wow!!!! I sooo enjoyed reading this. Your thoughts are the same as mine. I often wonder.. well if I was created in the same image as God then surely he’d understand when I fall into temptation and sin? Also love the analysis of the approaches to life if one was to think God was a dick. I’ve met someone like that, and the way they live is definitely as you’ve described. Practically care free lol. I think the majority of those who deem God as a perfect being have an element of living in fear due to the commandments, promise of salivation etc.. therefore always questioning themselves and beating themselves up if they’ve commit some kind of sin.

    Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed this 👏🏾👏🏾


    1. Yea, perfection is interesting. I am reading a book now about reincarnation and how Jesus came to be perfect. He lived several lives and different people before he arrived as Jesus, perfection. Reading about Kriya Yoga and the religions of India has given me a new perspective on spirituality. Embarking on a new journey. Glad you enjoyed! Please share 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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