Friends with Kids

If you’re reading this, you’re getting old so this post is for you. Remember when we were kids how we viewed older people? When we were like 10 we formed opinions of those who were like 10+ years our senior. I remember thinking which older girls were pretty and who had the best looking boyfriend or who seemed to have the most fun in their adult life. I thought being an adult and having freedom to go to bed when you want and have a car was utterly fascinating. Well, I’m like 2o+ years old now and I often wonder how younger children view me. More awkwardly, I am always conscious of how I behave around younger children. My friends are of age now where their kids are starting school. It really freaks me out to talk to them. You would think that talking to a person half your height and over half your age wouldn’t be as intimidating but it is. At least for me in large part because I know kids have no filter what so ever.

Kids. Have. No. Filter.

It’s a known fact. There was once an entire show dedicated to the stuff that spews out of their mouth. And now we have YouTube where I’m sure at least 75% of the funniest videos are of kids.

Case Study:

One of my friends has a 5 year old son. Adorable kid. Very outspoken and smart. He clues in on everything. I always like hanging out with her and her son. She called me one day and wanted to go the movies. As a single twenty something year old woman whose not really into movies, I said yes in the hopes of maybe seeing a dude or something. So here we are at this movie theater looking like a nice lesbian couple with a kid standing in love waiting for popcorn when a really cute guy approaches me. My friend had just excused herself to go to the ladies room so I was left holding her son’s hand.

“Hey, what movie are you here to see?” –Dude asks me.

“Oh, uh…” I fumble around in my pockets trying to find my ticket stub while holding the kid’s hand since he wont let it go. He says the name of the movie that he was here to see and I assumed it was the one we were there to see also.

“Yea that sounds about right, us too.” — . I replied. I notice him sizing me up. My friend’s son starts tugging on my hand signaling that he wanted to leave.

“Cool, whats your name?” –he asked with interest. Then out of nowhere:

“LEAVE HER ALONE! SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND, NOT YOURS”  –wails my friend’s kid. My friend is coming out of the bathroom looking around anxiously for her son as I assumed she heard him wailing from the bathroom.

“Calm down, kid” — dude says with a smirk that only made the kid more upset.

“Baby, whats wrong” –his mom asks.

Through his tears and pointing at the hot guy that now is clearly a bit turned off, “He’s trying to take my girlfriend”

That my friend was how I was officially cock blocked by a clever 5 year old kiddo.

2 thoughts on “Friends with Kids

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